Some days I’m not as horny as others, but on my best days, looking at my favourite girls on the covers can make me spunk my pants before I’ve even bought the mag.Depending on the shop, my mac might be open or closed. If it’s Derby or Bedford, my mac’s open so when I go up to the counter She’ll see the whole mess of stains across the front of my wank trousers. She’ll see I’ve got holes in my mac pockets cause I put my hands through to get to my money pouch. She’ll see me open my case to cram my new mags in and see just how many mags I’ve got in there, most crammed with toilet paper. I might even pull out one or two mags to show Her ads for mags or videos and ask if I can order them. That way She gets to see the pervy captions and cartoons I’ve written on – ‘oh spunk queen, this is where She MADE me spunk in my pants!’ – as well as the spunk stains with a big arrow and the word ‘SPUNK’ written next to it.If I’ve got out the shop with my pants still dry, then I urgently head for my van,. .. if this picture comes out!'With nothing to lose but his job, Wiseman picked up the phone... and dialed the office number for a member of the House from the great state of Massachusetts."You don't mean..." All I'll say is that he became a great supporter of this office, and he also received his own 'special patent' - SP001499. I keep the picture locked in a special file that will never leave this room. Even though he's long dead, I'll always keep my promise to him to never let it out.Wiseman smiled at the memory of his first meeting with his long-time patron. "When I met him at his office and showed the member his member, the first thing he said was 'Oh, fuck.' And I said 'How did you know?'"The late 70s and all of the 80s was a time of indifference and neglect for OFUCK. With moralistic Presidents in office, the small offshoot of the Patent Office was unknown to all but a few of the most powerful people in Washington, which was fine with Dan Wiseman. The requests for applications.
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